The Witch, the Whisper, the Scream

When I was really little, I had a recurring nightmare where a witch would drag me into the basement and lock me in a secret back room. In the dream, I would scream and scream, but no one would hear me. My voice would come out as a barely audible whisper, no matter how desperately I tried. People wouldn't look my way; they'd go about their business, and I'd wake up in a panic, panting as I tried to tell myself that such a situation was just a dream and would never happen in real life.

One of the worst feelings in the world is trying to confide in close friends or family, and being ignored, met with indifference or silence or downright lack of compassion. I realize that the competing demands and mundane tasks of modern life make whispered screams all but inaudible to those not paying attention.

Desire

My desire to see the world
has become a cat sleeping in the sun
and when there's no sun
it's curled up in the blanket of my family's love
Only when it's cold and hungry
does it wake up and prowl

Because I've seen enough of the world
to know it's better to expand one's own frontiers,
better to explore the boundaries,
better to unlock the wonder;
it's better to explore one's own province
than to nose in someone else's.

On "not all who wander are lost"

I should write something, and so this is a quick response to an article a friend posted, a friend who may or not be reading this.

I completely agree with the 3rd-to-last paragraph and most of the last paragraph.

I find "happiness" to be a relatively useless word. I don't often worry about it or talk about it, nor do I particularly shoot for it because I don't think it's something you can make happen; it's something you have to let happen.

Is "dissatisfaction" the same as "unhappiness?" I don't think so.

It's interesting to think that when people wanted to talk about the US in Nepal, the vast majority (with some notable, wise exceptions) would tell me that if only they could live in the US, all their problems would disappear and they would be happy for the rest of their lives. They truly had a hard time believing that Americans could be unhappy without some tangible outside source of sadness in their lives.

I see people searching so hard for love, peace, and/or happiness. But I most often see people find these things precisely when they stop trying so hard. Most people are happy and they don't even know it. Most people have love in their lives but some can't even see it. Most people would find peace if only they would stop churning in the tide and just listen to the waves.

When we were kids, weren't we told "if you get lost, stay where you are" (this is assuming you can't find your source, which I emailed you about)? If we frantically cast about, we may get more hopelessly lost, as well as make it harder for others to find us. Likewise, if you meet a wild animal, will you catch it by chasing after it? Or will you sit still, be peaceful, and let it come to you?

Being more fully you now than then is quite possibly a different discussion than the "happiness" question, though. Is "being you" the key to happiness? The article's author seems to admit that it is, if only she knew how. That's the remaining question in my mind, as like I said, I don't really aim for happiness and I just let it happen or let it come to me whenever it will and does.

I still believe if you can go back to your source, you can never go wrong.